BEATING A DRINK OR DRUG DEPENDENCY IS LIFE-CHANGING - HERE’S HOW TO GET HELP
With his 40th birthday fast approaching, Darren Lacey found himself at rock bottom. Years of alcoholism had left him homeless, jobless and with his relationship with his family hanging by a thread.
Then, while he was being treated for a breakdown in hospital, one of his brothers visited and told him he’d pay for a bed and breakfast for a week or two if Darren would finally sober up.
‘I could feel that this was the last straw for my family,’ he remembers. ‘I thought, “If I don’t do it now, I’ll lose them.”’
Darren was discharged from hospital on his 40th birthday, and immediately contacted a local service in Dover that offers treatment to people wanting to overcome drug and alcohol adddiction.
But while around 130,000 adults in the UK enter treatment every year1, many more need such help but simply don’t know where to start. When they do, though, it can be life-changing.
‘I could see the pain in my mother’s eyes’
Darren’s problems began when he was 17 and got a job in a pub. For years he’d been trying to hide the fact he was gay, thinking it was ‘wrong’, but being bullied at school for it anyway.
‘Then I discovered alcohol – it gave me confidence and made me forget who I was,’ he says. ‘By my early twenties, I was drinking every day.’
He was also taking recreational drugs such as ecstasy.
‘It got to the point when I turned 30 in 2008 that I was waking up, drinking half a bottle of neat vodka, then 15 pints of strong lager and the rest of the vodka throughout the day,’ he says.
‘Between 2015-19, I was in and out of jobs, homeless and using people for sofa surfing, but annoying them, and spending a few months on the streets of Folkestone – lying, cheating, stealing.
‘I’d lost all sense of who I was – there were huge amounts of depression, and I still wasn’t comfortable with my sexuality. There were a couple of attempts to take my own life.
‘My relationship with my family was very fraught. My mum, Ingrid, had tried to help. I love my mum to bits, but the stuff I put her through – the worry, the stress. Nobody should put their mother through that. I could see the pain in her eyes, but the alcohol and drugs had changed who I was.
‘In the lead-up to my 40th birthday, I knew I needed to do something or I would not get to 41 – my body was shutting down mentally and physically. Or I would have taken my own life. I needed to change.’
Then came that pivotal conversation with his brother.
‘The programme changed my life’
Determined to change, Darren took the train to Dover to join a programme at the Forward Trust, a charity that aims to help people beat alcohol and drug addiction.
He had no appointment but just walked straight through the door and asked for help – having visited several pubs in the town first for Dutch courage.
‘The man on reception greeted me with a big, friendly smile, and a member of staff came down to give me an assessment. I spilled my guts out – years of anger, frustration, guilt, everything. I knew I had to be honest.
‘It was the first time in my adult life that I felt listened to and not judged. He was so kind and I thought, “Maybe I’ve made the right decision”. He was in recovery himself – so maybe there was hope for me.’
Darren was offered ‘day rehab’, a 13-week programme where you return home every night.
‘I moved back in with my mum at 40,’ he laughs. ‘Initially I thought, “I’m not sitting in a room talking about my feelings”, but people were so open and honest, and seemed to be happy without a drink.’
It changed his life.
‘The service was so adaptable,’ says Darren. ‘I started on a 12-step programme, but that didn’t resonate with me, so they put me onto cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to change my neural pathways. That clicked with me straight away.
‘The programme is very client focused, rather than one size fits all. Everyone’s pathway is completely different. So if one way doesn’t work, they try another.
‘They encourage you to go to recovery meetings, they have follow-on peer support, online meetings every day, face-to-face meetings, outings to the beach for fish and chips, a safe community.
‘If you have a wobble one day, you can put in a message and someone will call or meet you for a coffee. They realise down days can be dangerous, so peer support is huge.’
Where to turn for help
Not only is getting help vital, but it is also free and it works. So how do you go about finding treatment for either yourself or someone you love?
A great place to start for both drink and drugs problems is by calling FRANK, a confidential advice line, on 0300 123 6600.
It also has details of the support available to both adults and young people on its website talktofrank.com/help.
Local authority websites also provide details of nearby services and your GP surgery, practice nurse or health professional that can help. You may be offered treatment at the surgery or be referred to a local drug and alcohol service. If you’re not comfortable talking to your GP, you or a family member can approach organisations without a referral.
‘My mum now beams with pride’
Getting help is worth it – just ask Darren. In the past five years, he’s turned his life around so much that he now works as an inclusion coordinator for the charity that helped him.
‘It’s a hard, hard journey, but it’s a walk in the park compared to before. My life is infinitely better without alcohol in it. I live two minutes from the sea, I’m about to run my third marathon and my mum is beaming with pride.
‘I’m living a happy and fulfilled life with a job I love at 45. I can’t believe it – I never thought I could get to this point.’
What to expect from treatment
Asking for help is one of the toughest parts of seeking treatment, but once you’ve plucked up courage, what should you expect?
Your treatment will depend on your personal circumstances and what you are seeking help for. The first thing staff will do is ask you about your drug or alcohol use as well as your work, family and housing situation.
Then they’ll come up with a list of treatment options and agree a plan with you.
If you’re seeking help for drug misuse, that might include a number of different therapies and strategies including being referred to a residential rehab service or for inpatient hospital treatment.
For an alcohol problem, most people receive help while living at home although some may need a short stay in a medical unit to manage their withdrawal symptoms safely.
Whatever happens, though, you’ll be given a key worker to support you throughout.
How to help a loved one
Seeing a loved one going through addiction is horrific, but it’s a delicate subject that’s often difficult to broach. So how do you do it?
‘People say, “Do it for your mum”, but that piles on the guilt and makes that person feel worse,’ says Darren Lacey, who now works for a service helping others with addiction.
‘Instead, attend an online meeting of a recovery group and listen to people talking about how they dealt with it and what they did.
‘Find out what services are locally available and give them a call. Do your research before speaking to your loved one – don’t go in all guns blazing.’
Then, if they agree, contact FRANK or a local drug or alcohol service on their behalf to get the ball rolling.
For confidential advice and information, call FRANK on 0300 123 6600 or go online to talktofrank.com/help
This article is part of a paid-for partnership with HM Government.
1Adult substance misuse treatment statistics 2020 to 2021: report – Published 25 November 2021. gov.uk
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